Meet the ‘Dairy Daddies,’ the sexy baseball cow that’s a total beefcake

There’s just something magical about Minor League Baseball. Small communities rallying around their home team, the stars of tomorrow rising from humble beginnings, the sexy anthropomorphic cow mascot challenging your preconceived notions of your turns ons, making you question whether you had a fetish you never knew existed until this moment.

Uhh… I mean. There’s a new baseball team coming to Danville Virginia and they’re called the DAIRY DADDIES!

The Appalachian League is expanding this summer, and the small town of Danville is getting a second team for the collegiate summer league. The Dairy Daddies will sit alongside the already established Danville Otterbots (yes, their mascot is a robot otter) to bring more baseball to southern Virginia.

Dan Daniel Park, the current home of the Otterbots, will become a Field of Creams when the Dairy Daddies take the field. If that’s not a sentence that has you sold on the idea, then take a look a this hat — which might be one of the greatest in baseball.

I have but one quibble with all this. I’m not exactly sure what the Dairy Daddy is. Is this a bull? He doesn’t have udders, so he must be a bull. Is the basic conceit behind this that Dairy Daddy is the dude roaming around Danville sleeping with every cow he can find, therefore making him the literal daddy of dairy?

I guess I’ll need to wait to get these questions answered when they take the field later this year.